Probably Bad Himbo Kings, Night of the Limb, and Mary Sue Jail

17 February 2021

D&DANIEL

D&Daniel here. We have new friends. Brian and Lana. They supplement our eternal friends, Hedwig and Carlo.

Opening music.

MOD PENCIL

Hello and welcome to the probably bad podcast, a podcast which is definitely bad. I’m pencil.

PAPER

I’m paper. Today’s probably bad rpg idea is... i want to play a tabletop rpg where my six stats are gumption hutzpah moxie childlike wonder and the cut of my jib and a certain je ne sais quoi. I think we got tagged in it on tumblr.

MOD PENCIL

Strictly speaking this isn’t an idea from our blog so if you do want to sue us come at us.

PAPER

But only if you’re philosophyshitscribble otherwise it’s not yours either. Good url btw.

MOD PENCIL

It is. I think you mentioned looking up the subtle distinction between gumption chutzpah and moxie.

PAPER

I did. Because i’m an intellectual, i recognise there is no such thing as a synonym and that these words would have subtle distinctions. Wha ti cae up with is gumption is inititiave, chutzpah is confidence and moxie is determination.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah, anyway, derderderderderer, it is initiative, confidence and determination. To quote a famous videogame, dererererer...sorry.

PAPER

That’s my favourite videogame.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah to quote a famous videogame you are filled with moxie. I believe that’s how that game goes. This feels like either a very artsy game where you go i will roll childlike wonder to enjoy a flower or a really serious tactical game where you need to make sure you have exactly three cuts on your jib in order to unlock these things.

PAPER

What do you think the cut of someone’s jib means?

MOD PENCIL

Full disclaimer i have absolutely no idea. I’ve only heard it as the phrase i like the cut of your jib i have absolutely no idea what it means in a literal sense.

PAPER

It’s how someone behaves their demeanour.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah, so i like the cut of your jib.

PAPER

Yeah, you have three demeanour.

MOD PENCIL

The more cuts on your jib, the better your demeanour.

PAPER

Yeah. I feel childlike wonder could be sort of insight, the more you have the easier you are to trick.

MOD PENCIL

The higher the level is the more tchildlike your wonder becomes. At lower levels you have the wonder of a 50 year old accountant, where the most wonder you have is the desk thing where the balls hit each other. At a high level you have the wonder of a baby who doesn’t have object permanence.

PAPER

I like it so we’ve established now then what five of these six stats would transfer to in a playable game, which i’m quite enjoying so initiative, confidence, determination, naivetie, demneaour or something else.

MOD PENCIL

Here’s my theory which i was thinking about. You have a stat, you don’t know what it does but as it levels up a certain je ne sais quoi becomes more and more certain and at higher levels you find out what it does and then you roll your sixth stat.

PAPER

So it’s like something you determine through gameplay?

MOD PENCIL

Yeah.

PAPER

I like it, like some parts of FATE. I’ve done that a lot it’s like a character trait now.

MOD PENCIL

I feel like yeah it starts off as an uncertain je ne sais quoi then it’s a certain je ne said quoi then it’s a definite je ne sais quoi.

PAPER

Then it’s a je sais quoi.

MOD PENCIL

I say what.

PAPER

That’s how french works right?

MOD PENCIL

I was going to make the same joke, but i realised i have no idea how to say it in french. So apologies to any french listeners.

PAPER

You take the negatives out, right? You know more french than i do.

MOD PENCIL

You can put philosophyshitscribble and person who didn’t like us threatening jeff bezos to the list of people whose shitlist we’re on.

PAPER

Oh yeah, for people who listen but don’t follow us on tumblr pencil posted something like what if you kept your guillotine from your game and used it on jeff bezos and we reblogged it and somebody messaged us to say we’d been reported to tumblr for wishing death on jeff bezos.

MOD PENCIL

Also just as a disclaimer given we’re being put on amazon i should point out we do not advocate guilotining jeff bezos the man who definitely gives his employees adequate toilet breaks.

PAPER

If anything putting it on probably bad rpg ideas suggests we anti-condone it, we condemn attempts to guillotine billionaires and redistribute their wealth.

NICK

Did you know if it’s an ironic fate it isn’t illegal, so unleash the bees.

PAPER

Thanks for that contribution nick. I feel this is a very social game.

MOD PENCIL

I noticed we don’t have a fighting stat.

PAPER

It could be your certain je ne sais quoi.

MOD PENCIL

This is my certain je ne sais quoi which is a gun.

PAPER

Yeah, low combat games exist and can be good.

MOD PENCIL

Mostly because combat rules are boring come at me.

PAPER

I personally don’t hugely enjoy combat sequences.

MOD PENCIL

I want to know what situation - what’s the difference between situations where you roll confidence and where you roll determination.

PAPER

Confidence is like i’m good at this, i’m right, and determination is like i’ll try. Confidence is stuff you’re proficient in and determination is where you[’re trying anyway goddamnit.

MOD PENCIL

I like the idea of a stat where you try your best at something where you try your best at something you have no clue about.

PAPER

I wonder if it would be detrimental to have too high a moxie stat. You just keep trying ridiculous stunts and you will die from it.

MOD PENCIL

Moxie is your determination but not your competence you roll to keep trying your incredibly stupid thing. We do have childlike wonder which is just see how dumb you are.

PAPER

That’s true some of these are negative stats and i support this. More games should have a dumbass stat. What is your himbo level?

MOD PENCIL

I have min maxed my dumbass stat i’ve taken all skills out of every other area of my life and put it into fucking up.

PAPER

Pencil what if this is a game where all the PCs are himbos. You’ll notice there’s not an intelligence stat.

MOD PENCIL

It’s the sword and the stone except it can only be pulled out by himbos and the six of them work together and they all pull out the stone, or the sword and they’re all the rightful king of england and they lay out the struggles of being the king of england.

PAPER

I think they do pull out the stone, they misread the instructions and they’ve pickedd up the whole stone and taken it home with them.

MOD PENCIL

I guess technically they are carrying the sword.

PAPER

I guesS?

MOD PENCIL

Yeah it’s a political game where they have to negotiate the treaties but they’re all dumbasses. There’ll be more wars with france. That’s why there was so many wars with france. france was ruled by councils of himbos. if you know history don’t correct me i’m right.

PAPER

Have you seen plantagenets? Himbos are supposed to be attractive.

MOD PENCIL

I feel that was a history joke, i hope those of you who know what history are appreciate it.

PAPER

It made nick laugh, and they have a medieval studies masters, so i think it succeeded.

MOD PENCIL

We’re appealing to some very large demographics.

PAPER

I’m calling it this game is going to be a bonus episode. I’m making it happen.

MOD PENCIL

Even a certain je ne sais quoi could work as a destiny.

PAPER

That’s why you don’t know it, the DM assigns everyone a destiny and they have to roll to find their destiny.

MOD PENCIL

We actually made a decent game again. I’m sorry guys.

PAPER

I’m wondering how it would work in play, if you’re hoping that’s what you’re supposed to be doing, you could roll your je ne sais quoi stat, and that determines whether it moves you towards your destiny or not, which could lead to weird things, but also we’re talking, we made this arthurian and that stuff makes no sense so it’s fine.

MOD PENCIL

It determines whether or not merlin shows up and slaps you or not.

PAPER

Yeah this is a canon that contains and then he came across a bunch of horny people and had to not be horny for them.

MOD PENCIL

Tough work for a team full of himbos.

PAPER

Question is though are the himbos unhorny enough to resist or clueless enough to not realise what’s happening? Or does that depend on the childlike wonder stat?

MOD PENCIL

Yeah the childlike wonder stat the advantage is the higher it is the harder it is to be seduced.

PAPER

I’m going to play this game and i will. We have a patreon probablybadrpgideas, we’ll make a bonus episode and i’ll fight anyone who tries to stop me.

MOD PENCIL

If you want to see himbo king arthur and his himbo knights of the himbo table... Himbo’s not sounding like a word and i’m not sure it was one to begin with, yeah, we have no questions this week i’m afraid but what we have is a second question... that doesn’t work, we have no questions but here’s a question. We have no questions but we have a second idea.

PAPER

Want to take another run at that?

MOD PENCIL

I do a podcast and have no idea how english works. yes we do have... fuck me!

PAPER

Do you want me to?

MOD PENCIL

Yes. Fuck me.

PAPER

We don’t have any questions this week which is fine, it happens, so we have a second idea. All the characters are in different milleniums, time travel doesn’t exist.

MOD PENCIL

Ok so suppose it’s a standard dungeon crawl you’re going into the dungeon and what it is, player 2 in the 2nd millenium is like oh no there’s a big stone wall in the way, and player 1 in the past has to arrange things so that the rock isn’t in the way 1000 years in the future. And player 2 can get through, then player 3 in the third millenium needs the wall there. It sounds like a videogame, but we don’t have a videogame podcast we have a tabletop podcast.

PAPER

I have played a videogame like this, not on the scale of millenia, but a couple of years later and a couple of years after that, and you have to help each other... am i thinking of day of the tentacle? I’m thinking of day of the tentacle. It’s good and people should play it.

MOD PENCIL

Unfortunately it’s copyrighted so we can’t do that.

PAPER

This is my original idea it’s called Night of the Limb.

MOD PENCIL

After the world is taken over by sentient arms... i think the other way to do it is have the first player from 1000 years ago to be the big bad and they’re setting up the trap that everyone else has fallen in, and the third way is the game could be shit. It could be work, no actually i have an idea... you have a game, and cause it’s grownups and it’s hard to organise a time when everyone can be around at the same time. So what you do is you do a game with one member of the game group and they get to do something cool with whatever powers they have, then you do the second member, and you may need ot shorten the time from a millenium, but you get the idea, and then you do a third one, dealing with the consequences etc etc, like an exquisite corpse thing with RPG sessions.

PAPER

If you set it in a forest it would be an exquisite copse. I’ll be quiet now.

MOD PENCIL

Don’t it’s a podcast you’re half the people on it. don’t refuse to say words.

PAPER

I do like this idea of doing it like that cause what we were going for originally is they were working on the same goal they were aware of each other somehow, they can communicate, probably with magic and are working towards the same goal across time periods... i think it would be harder to organise an exquisite corpse adventure cause a lot of 1-on-1 RPG stuff is harder it’s one player you can’t just let them do stuff.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah easier to arrange times but you need to make sure you have a good plan for each. I suppose you could do it with small groups but that depends on how big your games group is. It would be difficult, because you need to not just have your one player sit around while you do what i’m doing and remember what words are. I think there’s definitely a workable idea in there.

PAPER

Have we finally found an idea that doesn’t end in and that’s an RPG we would play?

MOD PENCIL

What i’d do is if you have suggestions from the other players that can- or the other players want to know what their effect on the world is, even if they can’t directly go no you’re wrong i’m coming back from the dead to stab you... sorry, idk what i’m talking about is the issue i’m having, there’s an rpg idea in my head but idk how to make it work. Rather than having a big rpg it’s relatively short ones for each player it might be easier.

PAPER

That makes sense you’ve got a week in world to do as much as you can.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah and then it’s like maybe it’s like ok your character’s a great general this is the story of their final battle, you determine how it goes.

PAPER

I like that it’s almost like you’ve got one person playing the silmarillion one person playing the hobbit one person playing the lotr.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah, it’s exactly like that you describe every single thing in incredible detail and make two languages.

PAPER

Only two?

MOD PENCIL

You’re just starting out you’re not tolkien yet.

PAPER

Give it time. It would be an interesting thing to do but idk how fun it would be except to a specific type of player, which is the kind i hate who wants to be the protagonist.

MOD PENCIL

It’s obviously going to be one of those ridiculous indie games, which is a little insulting, one of those very niche indie games, but there are people who are into very niche indie games. It would appeal to people who like RPGs but don’t like other people in their RPGs. You are a great general, but you’re half angel and half demon and half dragon and have two half swords and your backstory is you’re secretly the king and also history’s greatest wizard.

PAPER

I really thought you were going to say lover, but also that.

MOD PENCIL

You’re also history’s greatest lover.

PAPER

I love it this is a game where you take the worst players out of the ecosystem, just putting them in a little box where they can play their own game.

MOD PENCIL

I like this game as being a release your instincts and be the biggest mary sue character you can. This is my character Hod Menthal, who is very attractive and everyone loves them and clever and powerful, and-

PAPER

I can’t believe we invented mary sue jail.

MOD PENCIL

Bad and naughty players go to mary sue jail to atone for their crimes. it would work for that, you could make your characters as powerful as you like cause there aren’t other players to compete with for attention.

PAPER

Yeah i reiterate my point it would be hell to DM as it’s mary sue jail, but i’d read about it on reddit.

MOD PENCIL

The main problem with those players is they draw attention away from other characters so if there’s no other characters to take away attention from them, then that’s most of the problem dealt with, the only real problem is if they’re a lorebreaking swordloverman. i feel there’s definitely... some kind of... allow me to reset my brain. I feel like a lot of the problems will be taken away in an environment where they’re not competing with other players. Then they get to spend however long building this legend, and they have to deal with the consequences of this legend, you fucked up everything.

PAPER

I like how sometimes players can alter lore with a roll, you have a big powerful character in the first one then in the second it’s like all a lie.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah in reality you were a rainbow shooting sailor princess hulk.

PAPER

Did you say sailor princess hulk?

MOD PENCIL

Yeah.

PAPER

I’d watch it.

MOD PENCIL

I was just thinking of franchises. But it’s remembered 100 yeras later oh yes humble and quiet man who solved problems with the power of pacifism. In between sessions you roll to work out how much people remember what actually happened. Roll a 1 they got it correctly, on a 10 everyone believes you were a particularly creative beagle.

PAPER

Isn’t it better in a way?

MOD PENCIL

I’m not saying it’s better, just less accurate.

PAPER

I’m saying it’s better than a half demon half angel half whatever.

MOD PENCIL

Everyone in this world’s under a curse so everyone remembers them as a particularly creative beagle.

PAPER

So thanks for listening to our nonsense once again. I mentioned the patreon if you have a question you can email probablybadpodcast@gmail.com or message us at probably bad rpg ideas on tumblr. If you want to support us in a way where you get something more tangible we’re on redbubble, i always forget that. So yeah thank you and...

BOTH

Remember to have a probably bad day.

Closing music.